Home Today's Paper Most Popular Video Gallery Photo Gallery
Subscription Blog Signin Register
Logo
Monday, June 18, 2018 07:19:17 PM
Follow Us On: Facebook Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter

Back to school for the shy child

By
13th-Nov-2016       
Comments
Share your thought
Post a comment »
Read all () »

Anna Weinstein :
If you happen to have a school-age child who is shy, you are probably all too familiar with end-of-summer worries. Your child may be worrying about the new teacher, new kids, new classroom, and more than likely, you are spending your free time worrying about your child.
The good news is this: Parents can take concrete steps to help shy children. In fact, according to Dr. Robert Coplan, leading shyness researcher and professor of psychology at Carleton University in Canada, parents' reactions to their shy children can greatly influence the effects of the shyness.
"The goal is never to change children into something they're not," Coplan says. "Shy children are probably never going to be the most outgoing exuberant people. We're just trying to make sure their shyness doesn't prevent them from doing the kinds of things they need and want to do as a child."
And how parents respond to their children can make a big difference. Researchers refer to shyness as a personality trait, or, in very young children, a temperament. Dr. Sam Goldstein, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Utah, defines temperament as "those qualities children bring to the world before parents have an opportunity to influence them."
"When parents take the time to understand their child's temperament, they become better parents," Goldstein says. "The primary goal of parenting is to prepare children to become adults. If you insist that your child adjusts to things on your schedule, you're going to have a shy child that's also angry."
Goldstein, who has coauthored a number of award-winning parenting books, including the recent Raising a Self-Disciplined Child, says many parents have a difficult time being patient with their shy children. "Think about your mindset in teaching a child to ride a bicycle," Goldstein says. "It's amazing the level of empathy and patience parents bring online. Yet when it comes to temperament-something high stakes-then slow isn't fast enough."
Goldstein explains that all of this is a result of parents making too much of their child's shyness-worrying too much about what it might mean, what might be in store for their shy child down the road.
"But I would argue that being shy is not any great disadvantage for a child," Goldstein says. "You have to ask yourself, 'Does my child have the ability to manage life's daily events at a level that's expected by others?'" Goldstein says most shy children can participate in society an acceptable way; they just need support and guidance from their parents.
Unfortunately, though, according to Coplan, worrying parents often provide the wrong kind of support and guidance. Instinctively these parents want to protect their children, and they do this by removing them from stressful situations or by intervening and fixing the problem. "This is a very normal reaction," Coplan says. "And it might make things better in the short term, but in the long term it can lead to the children not developing the skills they need to deal with stressful situations on their own."
The better approach for parents to take is what Coplan refers to as a stair-step approach- helping children make small social goals and complete one at a time. Today you step into the store with me. Tomorrow you walk up to the counter with me. The next day you make eye contact with the person behind the counter. Etc. "This is an extreme example," Coplan says, "but you can take any type of social goal and break it down that way into these sort of mini goals."
What can parents do in the few weeks before school begins again? Goldstein says there are four important steps parents of shy children should take. And all four, he says, can be started before the first day of school.
Become educated. Take the time to become familiar with children's differences in temperament. Don't be the parent who says, "Well, I accept my child for who he is, but …." Read a few articles online, read a book-become knowledgeable. And most importantly, believe what the experts tell you about children's temperament. Belief, Goldstein says, is a valuable ally.
Measure your mindset. Think about the children you hoped to have versus the kind of children you actually have. Goldstein suggests that you do a mindset exercise. On one side of the paper list the behaviors you hoped you would see in your children, and on the other side list the behaviors that have emerged. Do the same thing with your feelings and responses to the behaviors. How did you hope you would behave as a parent, and how do you actually behave.
Make adjustments. If you're raising the question, Goldstein says, it's because your child is different from your expectations. Rewrite negative scripts in your head. Tell yourself that you're going to respond to this behavior in a different way.
Collaborate. You need to start the process, but you also need to help your child be a participant in the process. It's not something you alone are doing. Your child needs to learn to be a good advocate for herself, and you can help her develop coping strategies to handle situations on her own.
And don't forget the common sense steps: Make the beginning of school less stressful for your child. Visit with the new teacher and ask if your child can spend some time in the classroom helping out before the first day of class. Children thrive when they have specific tasks they have to perform-when they feel important. Having quality time to bond with the teacher before school begins will give your shy child more confidence.

Tariff
Add Rate

News Archive

Inside The New Nation

Editorial »

Eid Mubarak


EID UL FITR is an important religious event celebrated by Muslims worldwide that marks the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting (sawm). The Eid (Muslim religious festival) is the first and only day in the month of Shawal during which Muslims are not permitted to fast. The ...

Cricket »

History-making Afghanistan get baptism of fire in Test cricket


AFP, Bangalore :Afghanistan were handed a bruising introduction to Test cricket by India on Thursday as they capped their astonishing rise from war and refugee camps to joining the sport's elite.Afghan skipper Asghar Stanikzai called it a "very proud moment" as he strode onto the field at Bangalore's M. Chinnaswamy ...

Football »

Orlando City midfielder Josue Colman kicks the ball away from Montreal Impact defender Rod Fanni during the second half of an MLS soccer match on Wednesday in Montreal.


Football »

German Chancellor Angela Merkel (center) and the former German national soccer team player and integration commissioner of the German soccer association, Cacau (right) attend a women soccer training session at a soccer club in Berlin, Germany on Wednesday.


International »

World can `sleep well` after North Korea summit: Trump


A jubilant-sounding President Donald Trump declared Wednesday that his "deal" with Kim Jong Un has ended the North Korean nuclear threat, as his top diplomat said he hoped to see "major disarmament" of the country by 2020.Despite the lack of detail, or binding terms in the joint statement agreed with ...

International »

UN rights office calls for int’l probe in Kashmir


AP, Geneva :The U.N. human rights chief called Thursday for an independent, international investigation into reports of rights violations in the disputed region of Kashmir, laying blame for civilian deaths and injuries on the actions of both India and Pakistan.In its first report on the region, the office of Zeid ...

City »

Air Chief adorned with Air Marshal rank badge


A ceremony marking the adorning of rank badge of new Chief of Air Staff Air Marshal Masihuzzaman Serniabat was held at the Prime Minister's Office (PMO) on Thursday.In the presence of Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina, Chief of Army Staff General Abu Belal Mohammad Shafiul Huq and Chief of Naval Staff ...

Entertainment »

Sylvester Stallone under probe for sexual assault


Los Angeles prosecutors said on Wednesday that their sex crimes team was reviewing a case against Rocky actor Sylvester Stallone. Los Angeles District Attorney's office spokesman Greg Risling did not give details but said the case was presented by police in the California beach city of Santa Monica.Representatives for Stallone, ...

Editorial »

Pay the workers immediately, let them celebrate the Eid


NEWS media reported that nearly 40 percent of the garment factories, most of which are small and not members of any trade bodies like the BGMEA or the BKMEA, are yet to pay the workers' salaries or festival bonus although Eid-ul-Fitr is knocking at the door. Most of the 4.4 ...

International »

N Korean state media hails Kim-Trump summit success


Reuters, Seoul  :US President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong Un were splashed across North Korea's official party newspaper on Wednesday as state media hailed Tuesday's historic summit between the two men.The North's state media framed Tuesday's summit as a win for Pyongyang as it listed concessions made ...

Entertainment »

Secrets of Punam Priyam`s success


Entertainment Report :Punam Priyam is a popular media personality in Bangladesh. She is an anchor, producer and writer. In an interview with The New Nation, she has shared her life story and her views on different professional and personal issues. Details below:1. In our male dominated society men are still ...

Cricket »

Rahane says 'ruthless' India will not take Afghans lightly


AFP, Bangalore :Top-ranked India will be "ruthless" and not take Afghanistan lightly when they make their Test debut in Bangalore, skipper Ajinkya Rahane said Wednesday.It will be a historic moment for Asghar Stanikzai's team when they step out on Thursday for their maiden five-day outing against the world's number one ...

City »

Railway Minister Majibul Huq visited Kamalapur Railway Station in the city on Wednesday to witness the Eid journey of home-bound passengers.


Editorial »

Take urgent steps to prevent further landslides in hill region


AT least 11 people have been killed in separate incidents of landslides triggered by heavy rainfall in Rangamati and Cox's Bazar. Among the deceased, 10 were killed in Naniarchar upazila of Rangamati and one in Maheshkhali upazila of Cox's Bazar, as per a local daily report.In Naniarchar, landslides in Boro ...

Entertainment »

Chitrangda Singh wears the producer's hat!


Recently, 'Soorma' trailer starring Diljit Dosanjh and Taapsee Pannu in lead roles was released. While actress Chitrangda Singh who is been staying away from onscreen for a while has now overtaken the role of a producer for the movie, 'Soorma'. After Anushka Sharma and Priyanka Chopra trying their hands as ...

 
Items that you save may be read at any time on your computer, iPad, iPhone or Android devices.
 
Are you new to our website? Do you have already an account at our website?
Create An Account Log in here
Email this news to a friend or like someone
Email:
Write a comment to this news