Home Today's Paper Most Popular Video Gallery Photo Gallery
Subscription Blog Signin Register
Logo
Monday, February 26, 2018 03:24:29 AM
Follow Us On: Facebook Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter

Dealing a teen who talks back

photo by

By
05th-Feb-2017       
Comments
Share your thought
Post a comment »
Read all () »

Lisa Medoff :
Parents often notice a resurgence of the "terrible twos" when their child enters adolescence, complete with the assertions of independence, the frustration of not having the language needed to express the complexity of their emotions, and the seemingly automatic response of, "No!" or "That's not fair!" when asked to do anything by parents. Even tantrums seem to rear their ugly heads during the teen years.
It seems as if our current society both reflects and encourages these behaviors, as media often shows sassy teenage stars who get a laugh from their rude remarks aimed at adults, who are often portrayed as unreasonable and/or less intelligent than the teenagers. Parents who are concerned about quashing their teen's independence, worried about engaging in a power struggle that they might not be able to win, or just feeling helpless in the face of the teen's strongly expressed emotions, may simply give up when their child refuses to do what is asked of him.
It's important for parents to understand that teenagers do not have the same control of their impulses that adults do, since the part of the brain that helps one think ahead and adjust behavior based on potential consequences (the prefrontal cortex), is still developing. However, even though your teenager's brain development is still in progress, she still needs to learn how to control impulsive and rude behavior, not only to make life more pleasant for those surrounding her at the time, but also because the experiences that one has during adolescence helps to wire the brain to effectively deal with emotions and impulses throughout life. Parents need to provide support and guidance that will enable such effective responses to eventually become hard-wired in the brain. Part of providing such support and guidance is setting clear boundaries about what kind of behavior will be tolerated, and what consequences exist for engaging in behavior that is not allowed.  Both teenagers and parents need to know that it is developmentally appropriate and healthy to question what is being asked of them, as long as they are not doing it in a rude or offensive manner. We do want to teach our teenager that it's important to stand up for what they believe in, and that some ways of getting what they want are more effective than others, but that sometimes standing up for oneself may include an unpleasant consequence. Here are some ways to deal with teenagers that talk back and show disrespect:
Make sure that the rules of the house are very clear and specific. You may need to say to your child (at a time when you are both calm), "We have been fighting a lot lately, so we need to sit down and clarify what my/our expectations for your behavior are, and what the consequences will be for breaking the rules."
When your child talks back to you or refuses to do something you have asked, take a few seconds to remind yourself to stay calm, and think about what you are about to say. Do not threaten your child or yell at her, as these behaviors can cause the interaction to escalate. Simply state the behavior and remind your child of the consequences. If your child seems to be out of control (or you feel that you are getting out of control), let her know that you will continue the conversation later, and walk away.
Be confident, firm, and consistent. Do not negotiate with your child, back down, or let her draw your into an argument about the consequence that you are enforcing. Consequences are consequences and shouldn't be up for discussion or argument. If your child feels like she can argue or negotiate a consequence, she'll be more likely to continue an undesired behavior and moreover, more likely to argue even more the next time around. Do not lecture or give long-winded speeches, as your teen will simply tune out, which will in turn make you more likely to get worked up.
Be willing to have conversations (rather than arguments) about adjusting the rules and consequences every few months as your child gets older and can take on more responsibility. However, make it clear that your teen must be able to present her position to you without being rude - this is an excellent life skill to instill. In addition, all parties involved need to understand that just because your teen may present a good argument in a polite manner, it doesn't mean that you're required to change your position. Be willing to listen with an open mind and be up for a discussion, but in the end, you are the parent with the life experience to make good decisions, as well as the person responsible for your child's safety and well-being.
Backtalk sometimes comes from teenagers trying to learn how to assert their independence and test limits, so help them make good choices within the boundaries that you set. As much as possible, let them be responsible for their own behavior, even if it means that they have to deal with the negative consequences (this can often be the best learning experience from them). In addition, give them choices whenever you can, but make it clear when no choice exists and you are not willing to negotiate, especially when it comes to matters of your child's safety.  When your child uses rude words to label you or someone else, ask her to be specific. Say, "When you call me…, it is not only rude and will not be tolerated, but it also does not help me understand what you want. Tell me what you are upset about or what you would like to happen."  One common refrain from teens is, "You don't understand!" Do not further frustrate your child by saying, "Yes, I do!", or "I went through exactly what you are going through now." We all like to think of experiences as unique. Instead of asserting a "been there, done that" stance, help your child practice communicating without being rude by responding, "I may not understand, but I do want to try to understand what you are feeling. Can we talk about it later when we're both calmer? Or you can you write it down and send me an e mail, if you like?"
Think about how you speak to your child and to others around you. How often are you sarcastic or rude? Is your child picking up on your tone and the way you treat others? Try to adjust your own behavior and remember that whether she knows it or not, you are your child's greatest influence in terms of nuturing the right kinds of behavior in her. Consider telling your child that you have noticed that you can be rude to others sometimes, and that you're going to try to modify your own behavior. Sometimes, parents admitting that they too can make mistakes or have things that they need to work on, makes all the difference in terms of communication. Your child will feel less like she's under attack and more open to making adjustments of her own. Try to break a pattern of interaction in which your child is constantly rude to you and you in turn respond with frustration and/or punishment. Tell your child that you don't like the way your relationship has been lately, and that you would like to do something pleasant together. Let your child choose something that the two of you can do together, and make a pact that neither of you will be rude or critical. If one of you breaks the pact, end the activity, and try again another day.  
Give your child the same respect that you would like and try to refrain from name-calling or labeling with such words as, "spoiled brat." Instead, keep the focus on the behavior that you would like to change.
If your child seems to be out of control or defying you in ways that endanger her safety or that of others, seek professional assistance immediately. Ultimately, helping your child break habits of backtalk and disrespect will help her not only in her not only at home, but will make all the difference in her ability relate to others and be successful in life.

Tariff
Add Rate

News Archive

Inside The New Nation

Editorial »

Female Nobel Laureates by the side of Rohingya women


THREE female Nobel Peace Laureates are in city on a weeklong trip to Bangladesh to see for themselves Rohingya women who were tortured and raped by Myanmar military before fleeing refugee camps in our country. During their visit, Iran's Shirin Ebadi, Yemen's Tawakkol Karman and Northern Ireland's Mairead Maguire have ...

Cricket »

Members of CAD Challengers, who became champions of NBL Internal Cricket Tournament pose for photo with the trophy and officials at Dhaka University Central Ground on Friday (Feb 23). In the final CAD Challengers defeated Western Spirit by 7 wickets.


Entertainment »

Abhishek Kapoor, Sara & Sushant's Kedarnath is on course!


Sushant Singh Rajput took to social media and posted a team picture with so-star Sara and director, producer Abhishek Kapoor captioning it as Jai Shiv Shambhoo recently. The trio were all smiles while posing for the click. The lead pair had visited Abhishek at his office located in the suburbs ...

Entertainment »

Veteran actress Sridevi dies of cardiac arrest


Entertainment Report :Veteran Bollywood actor and Padma Shri awardee Sridevi, who had an illustrious career spanning over four decades, passed away. She was 54. Sridevi, died late in the night reportedly due to cardiac arrest in Dubai, where she had gone along with her family to attend her nephew Mohit ...

City »

Lawyers of BNP Chairperson Begum Khaleda Zia briefing media people after hearing on bail of Khaleda Zia in Zia Orphanage Trust Graft Case coming out of the court on Sunday.


International »

China sets stage for Xi to stay in office indefinitely


sReuters, Beijing :China's ruling Communist Party on Sunday set the stage for President Xi Jinping to stay in office indefinitely, with a proposal to remove a constitutional clause limiting presidential service to just two terms in office.Xi, 64, is currently required by the country's constitution to step down as president ...

International »

New strikes hit Syria enclave after UN delays truce vote


AFP, Beirut  :Air strikes and rocket fire hit the Syrian rebel enclave of Eastern Ghouta for a seventh straight day on Saturday after the United Nations again delayed a vote on a ceasefire.The Damascus government launched a devastating bombardment of the enclave just outside the capital last Sunday that has ...

Editorial »

More vigilance at Rohingya camps against human traffickers


Aid workers have identified 32 victims of human trafficking so far at Rohingya camps in Cox's Bazar and also reported lack of access to basic services and self-reliance opportunities - especially for women and girls increasing the risk of trafficking. If such risks were assessed from the very beginning when ...

Sports »

Medalist in the men's parallel giant slalom (from right) South Korea's Lee Sangho (silver), Switzerland's Nevin Galmarini (gold) and Slovenia's Zan Kosir (bronze) pose during their medals ceremony at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea on Saturday.


Entertainment »

Sunny Leone on her Tamil film debut: I'm beyond excited to start shooting


Former adult film actress Sunny Leone made a swift move into the Hindi film industry in 2012. And now the Indo-Canadian actress is all set to make her debut in a Tamil film. She says south Indian films would help her grow as a person and an actress. Sunny, whose ...

City »

Poet Abdul Hai Shikder along with others holds the copies of a book titled 'Aroni' written by Latiful Khabira at its cover unwrapping ceremony in the city's Suhrawardy Udyan on Saturday.


Editorial »

Indian Army Chief`s allegation means complicity of government of Bangladesh


REMARKS by Indian Army Chief, Gen. Bipin Rawat on Thursday that a 'planned influx' of people from Bangladesh into India's north-east is underway as part of a proxy war by Pakistan with support from China, so to keep the area disturbed. Moreover, he also said migration from Bangladesh are happening ...

Sports »

Bronze medalist in the women`s Big Air snowboard Synnott Zoi Sadowski of New Zealand, poses during the medals ceremony at the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea on Thursday.


.

Entertainment »

Priyanka Chopra terminates contract with Nirav Modi, not suing him yet


Priyanka Chopra has decided to cut ties with billionaire diamond trader Nirav Modi's brand following the news about the alleged banking fraud carried out by him. "In the light of recent allegations, Priyanka Chopra has chosen to terminate her contract with the Nirav Modi brand," a spokesperson of Priyanka, who ...

City »

BNP Standing Committee Member Barrister Moudud Ahmed speaking at a protest rally organised by Khaleda Zia Mukti Parishad at the Jatiya Press Club on Friday demanding release of BNP Chairperson Begum Khaleda Zia.


.

 
Items that you save may be read at any time on your computer, iPad, iPhone or Android devices.
 
Are you new to our website? Do you have already an account at our website?
Create An Account Log in here
Email this news to a friend or like someone
Email:
Write a comment to this news