Home Today's Paper Most Popular Video Gallery Photo Gallery
Subscription Blog Signin Register
Logo
Monday, September 25, 2017 07:14:11 PM
Follow Us On: Facebook Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter

Dealing a teen who talks back

photo by

By
05th-Feb-2017       
Comments
Share your thought
Post a comment »
Read all () »

Lisa Medoff :
Parents often notice a resurgence of the "terrible twos" when their child enters adolescence, complete with the assertions of independence, the frustration of not having the language needed to express the complexity of their emotions, and the seemingly automatic response of, "No!" or "That's not fair!" when asked to do anything by parents. Even tantrums seem to rear their ugly heads during the teen years.
It seems as if our current society both reflects and encourages these behaviors, as media often shows sassy teenage stars who get a laugh from their rude remarks aimed at adults, who are often portrayed as unreasonable and/or less intelligent than the teenagers. Parents who are concerned about quashing their teen's independence, worried about engaging in a power struggle that they might not be able to win, or just feeling helpless in the face of the teen's strongly expressed emotions, may simply give up when their child refuses to do what is asked of him.
It's important for parents to understand that teenagers do not have the same control of their impulses that adults do, since the part of the brain that helps one think ahead and adjust behavior based on potential consequences (the prefrontal cortex), is still developing. However, even though your teenager's brain development is still in progress, she still needs to learn how to control impulsive and rude behavior, not only to make life more pleasant for those surrounding her at the time, but also because the experiences that one has during adolescence helps to wire the brain to effectively deal with emotions and impulses throughout life. Parents need to provide support and guidance that will enable such effective responses to eventually become hard-wired in the brain. Part of providing such support and guidance is setting clear boundaries about what kind of behavior will be tolerated, and what consequences exist for engaging in behavior that is not allowed.  Both teenagers and parents need to know that it is developmentally appropriate and healthy to question what is being asked of them, as long as they are not doing it in a rude or offensive manner. We do want to teach our teenager that it's important to stand up for what they believe in, and that some ways of getting what they want are more effective than others, but that sometimes standing up for oneself may include an unpleasant consequence. Here are some ways to deal with teenagers that talk back and show disrespect:
Make sure that the rules of the house are very clear and specific. You may need to say to your child (at a time when you are both calm), "We have been fighting a lot lately, so we need to sit down and clarify what my/our expectations for your behavior are, and what the consequences will be for breaking the rules."
When your child talks back to you or refuses to do something you have asked, take a few seconds to remind yourself to stay calm, and think about what you are about to say. Do not threaten your child or yell at her, as these behaviors can cause the interaction to escalate. Simply state the behavior and remind your child of the consequences. If your child seems to be out of control (or you feel that you are getting out of control), let her know that you will continue the conversation later, and walk away.
Be confident, firm, and consistent. Do not negotiate with your child, back down, or let her draw your into an argument about the consequence that you are enforcing. Consequences are consequences and shouldn't be up for discussion or argument. If your child feels like she can argue or negotiate a consequence, she'll be more likely to continue an undesired behavior and moreover, more likely to argue even more the next time around. Do not lecture or give long-winded speeches, as your teen will simply tune out, which will in turn make you more likely to get worked up.
Be willing to have conversations (rather than arguments) about adjusting the rules and consequences every few months as your child gets older and can take on more responsibility. However, make it clear that your teen must be able to present her position to you without being rude - this is an excellent life skill to instill. In addition, all parties involved need to understand that just because your teen may present a good argument in a polite manner, it doesn't mean that you're required to change your position. Be willing to listen with an open mind and be up for a discussion, but in the end, you are the parent with the life experience to make good decisions, as well as the person responsible for your child's safety and well-being.
Backtalk sometimes comes from teenagers trying to learn how to assert their independence and test limits, so help them make good choices within the boundaries that you set. As much as possible, let them be responsible for their own behavior, even if it means that they have to deal with the negative consequences (this can often be the best learning experience from them). In addition, give them choices whenever you can, but make it clear when no choice exists and you are not willing to negotiate, especially when it comes to matters of your child's safety.  When your child uses rude words to label you or someone else, ask her to be specific. Say, "When you call me…, it is not only rude and will not be tolerated, but it also does not help me understand what you want. Tell me what you are upset about or what you would like to happen."  One common refrain from teens is, "You don't understand!" Do not further frustrate your child by saying, "Yes, I do!", or "I went through exactly what you are going through now." We all like to think of experiences as unique. Instead of asserting a "been there, done that" stance, help your child practice communicating without being rude by responding, "I may not understand, but I do want to try to understand what you are feeling. Can we talk about it later when we're both calmer? Or you can you write it down and send me an e mail, if you like?"
Think about how you speak to your child and to others around you. How often are you sarcastic or rude? Is your child picking up on your tone and the way you treat others? Try to adjust your own behavior and remember that whether she knows it or not, you are your child's greatest influence in terms of nuturing the right kinds of behavior in her. Consider telling your child that you have noticed that you can be rude to others sometimes, and that you're going to try to modify your own behavior. Sometimes, parents admitting that they too can make mistakes or have things that they need to work on, makes all the difference in terms of communication. Your child will feel less like she's under attack and more open to making adjustments of her own. Try to break a pattern of interaction in which your child is constantly rude to you and you in turn respond with frustration and/or punishment. Tell your child that you don't like the way your relationship has been lately, and that you would like to do something pleasant together. Let your child choose something that the two of you can do together, and make a pact that neither of you will be rude or critical. If one of you breaks the pact, end the activity, and try again another day.  
Give your child the same respect that you would like and try to refrain from name-calling or labeling with such words as, "spoiled brat." Instead, keep the focus on the behavior that you would like to change.
If your child seems to be out of control or defying you in ways that endanger her safety or that of others, seek professional assistance immediately. Ultimately, helping your child break habits of backtalk and disrespect will help her not only in her not only at home, but will make all the difference in her ability relate to others and be successful in life.

Tariff
Add Rate

News Archive

Inside The New Nation

Editorial »

Despite repeated global condemnation plight of Rohingyas worsens


THE inflow of Rohingya refugees from violence-torn Rakhine State in Myanmar slowed for the last few days owing to bad weather but thousands have started entering Bangladesh once more. According to news sources, at least 10,000 refugees have arrived in Bangladesh so far since last Saturday. Moreover, Amnesty International has ...

Cricket »

Shane Warne accused of hitting porn star


Former cricketer Shane Warne has been accused of hitting a porn star as a row escalated at a nightclub in Mayfair.Valerie Fox took to Twitter to share pictures of her alleged injuries - including a bruised eye - after the incident."Proud of yourself? Hitting a woman? Vile creature," she tweeted.The ...

Sports »

Member of FIFA Mahfuza Akter Kiron handing over the prize to a winner of the AFC Under-16 Women's Championship at Chonburi in Thailand recently.


Entertainment »

Khurshid Alam to get Lifetime Achievement Award


Entertainment Report :Legendary singer Khurshid Alam will get the Lifetime Achievement Award in this year’s Channel i Music Award. The award giving ceremony will be held on September 29 at Bangabandhu International Conference Center in the city’s Agargaon area. Awards in sixteen categories concerning music will be given in this ...

City »

Bangladesh Government Primary School Employees Welfare Association formed a human chain in front of the Jatiya Press Club on Sunday demanding nationalization of clerical jobs.


Life »

Even refined sugar invites health risks


Life Desk :When the rest of the world is turning their face away from refined or processed sugar, consumers in Bangladesh have been tending to the detrimental food item. Refined white sugar attracts a large proportion of consumers, but domestically made cane sugar cannot take its fancy, though it is ...

International »

Missile strike on US inevitable: N Korean FM


AP, United Nations :North Korea's foreign minister told world leaders Saturday that U.S. President Donald Trump's insult calling leader Kim Jong Un "rocket man" makes "our rocket's visit to the entire U.S. mainland inevitable all the more."Ri Yong Ho called the American president "a mentally deranged person full of megalomania ...

Sports »

Members of BKSP team, who became champion in Under-16 two-day long Judo Competition pose for photo with the trophy and guests at the Shaheed Suhrawardy Indoor stadium in Mirpur on Saturday.


Editorial »

India to supply Myanmar arms!


INDIA has shunned its reputation of being democratic, generous and hospitable country. They have decided to strengthen their security along the largely porous eastern border with Bangladesh and is using "chilli and stun grenades" to block the entry of Rohingya Muslims fleeing from violence in their homeland of Myanmar. Border ...

Entertainment »

I am not Varun Dhawan that I can dance with Ileana D'Cruz


Sanjay Dutt is all set to make his comeback on the silver screen with Bhoomi that hits the theatre tomorrow. The film revolves around a father who is seeking revenge from the molesters of his daughter's dignity.With Aditi Rao Hydari playing the role of a daughter to Dutt, the senior ...

City »

BNP Standing Committee Member Dr Khondkar Mosharraf Hossain speaking at a roundtable on 'Judiciary: Future of Rule of Law in Bangladesh' organised by Bangladesh Institute of Politics Studies at the Jatiya Press Club on Saturday.


International »

Russia urges calm as US, North Korea tempers flare


Reuters, United Nations :Russia urged "hot heads" to calm down on Friday as the United States admitted it felt "challenged" by North Korea's warning that it could test a hydrogen bomb over the Pacific and President Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un traded more insults.Trump called the North Korean leader ...

Editorial »

Uttering `strong and swift action` not enough, President Trump should mean business


US PRESIDENT Donald Trump wants the UN Security Council to take "strong and swift action" to end violence against Myanmar's Rohingya Muslims. Speaking at a Security Council meeting on peacekeeping reform, Vice President Mike Pence accused the Myanmar military of responding to attacks on government outposts "with terrible savagery, burning ...

City »

Islami Oikya Jote staged a demonstration in the city`s Palton area on Friday in protest against killing of Rohingya Muslims in Myanmar.


.

Entertainment »

Raai Laxmi in yet another hot, steamy song Mala Seenha


After teasing the audience with the teaser, trailer and title track now the makers of Julie 2 has released yet another hot and steamy song from the movie. With every passing day, Raai Laxmi is soaring the temperature with lots of oomph.  Produced and directed by Deepak Shivdasani and presented ...

 
Items that you save may be read at any time on your computer, iPad, iPhone or Android devices.
 
Are you new to our website? Do you have already an account at our website?
Create An Account Log in here
Email this news to a friend or like someone
Email:
Write a comment to this news