Md. Sazedul Islam :
Every parent expects a bright future for their children and wants them to groom up as extrovert and social to adjust with the environment where their kids would lead their future life successfully. Though everybody wants to be optimistic about their own children, however, it is observed that some children are sociable while some others are not. There are some children, who are shy of engaging in outdoor activities. Such children are generally polite, shy and feel terrified and ashamed seeing an unknown things or people. They fail to utter words when facing unknown men. They always try to roll back themselves and never attend any programme or ceremony.
They do not want to mix with others and possess a malice attitude owing to their ineptness to mix with others. If this kind of children are not trained or given any assistance to overcome the problem at early age, the problem will increase at their later age, creating mental disease in future life. These children are unwelcome and overlooked by the society and are forced to lead frustrated and unhappy life. As they cannot protest anyone in the society, they are deceived and insulted by others. Mothers of these unsocial children have to face a lot of trouble.
Mothers who have this type of shy children must think over how to solve the problems at early age. Mothers have to be careful from the beginning to overcome the problems.
According to psychologists, mothers should not say anything that creates tension into the child mind about the outside world. But many mothers are seen creating terrific situation relating to easy matters. As for example, they forbid their children not to go to the particular house or say that the particular boy is dishonest. Command like 'never go the specific place alone', as you might be kidnapped by abductors'. Rules in this manner panic the child and keep them afraid. Afterwards, the children start to express suspicion or anxiety to everything. So, mothers should rule in such a way that does not cross the boundary of necessity.
There are some children who have physical fault or difficulty, which should not be mocked by anyone even by mothers. Because, the jeer might create anger and shame into their minds. The children feel hurt when they compare with others and the shyness force them to remain away from others. Thus the children turned into non-communicative. If we fail to show our proper conduct to them, children may be misled to a large extent and they distance themselves from the society avoiding all to proceed in their own way. Children cannot be made social and communicative by force. Mothers should be patient and very careful in dealing this matter.
At first, they should select some good boys and girls and then allow their children to mix with them only. The mothers should keep close watch as to how the children accept this. After selecting some good children, the mothers should ask their children to mix with them at their own residence, because shy and polite kids do not deem the outside place as safe. When children feel easy with everyone, then one-day mothers have to call in three kids together at the house and allow her children to play with them. If the children can overcome the weakness, then it could be judged that they safely cross the hurdles to the way.
But using only the one tactics would not be sufficient to absolve all the faults of the children. Mothers always should be active to raise the self-confidence of their children. Mothers are not only required to praise the good works of their children but also be restrained themselves not to jeer at any failure.
Basically, children learn to mix and make friends by example. And by doing it! It happens by children being given lots of opportunity to interact with others in a friendly, unthreatening, non-judgmental way. It happens when children are given specific tips and skills, through discussion or example, to help them cope with difficult situations.
Research findings said children need stable positive emotional relationships with at least one parent or other reference person. Anything that suppresses the intellectual development of children, particularly in situations of high risk, compounds the threat posed by those risks.
Some children are born with outgoing or sociable personalities that make them adept at making friends. The majority of children learn their friendship skills from the adults who inhabit their immediate environments - parents, relatives, teachers, childcare professionals and other significant adults in their lives. Our children will primarily learn their social skills and cultural expectations from their parents and those they see around them, so the most important thing you can do is to model the kind of behaviour you would like to see.
Even talkative, sociable children sometimes become shy when meeting new people for the first time. Try not to make your child feel bad if he doesn't want to rush in immediately, just introduce him to the other children and let them sit with you until they feel ready to join in. Bring them gently into a conversation, but don't do it by poking fun or embarrassing your child.
Children who see themselves within a culture that cares about other people are more likely to have better social skills. Parents should be polite, respectful and caring to each other if they want their children to act in this way.
Lots of children have needless fears and this is a normal part of growing up. Try and listen carefully to your child when they tell you about their worries, even if it sounds silly to you.
Studies show that parents who adopt a consistent, positive approach to discipline tend to have to punish their children far less than those who adopt a very permissive attitude or, alternatively, those who are too authoritarian.
Praise your child when he or she does something good. This will encourage more of the behaviour you want to see. Be consistent in the way in which you discipline your child. Set clear limits and stick to them so that she knows what you expect from them. No matter how busy you are, try to spend time with your child playing or doing things together. A child who is not getting enough attention from their parents often misbehaves to get noticed.
Parents should avoid harsh physical punishment. They should not favour harsh physical punishment or put-downs, such as ridicule or negative social comparison, which attack the child's sense of personal worth. People, on the whole, are social creatures. Being sociable is part of our nature. If we allow children to develop in their own way, they will begin to relate to other people when they are ready. Children need to meet people in order to be sociable.
We know from studies that children, who have warm and affectionate relationships with their parents, have high self-esteem and are more willing to explore their physical and social worlds with confidence.