Home Today's Paper Most Popular Video Gallery Photo Gallery
Subscription Blog Signin Register
Logo
Wednesday, June 19, 2019 12:00:13 PM
Follow Us On: Facebook Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter

Depression can damage a marriage!

photo by

By
14th-Sep-2018       
Comments
Share your thought
Post a comment »
Read all () »

Jason Whiting, PhD :
Logan was a doctoral student studying ancient Italian poetry. His life was filled with shelves of old books and a teaching job where he was supposed to inspire lethargic freshmen. His doctoral adviser was difficult and inconsistent, and Logan was a people-pleaser who worried his adviser and students were always upset with him.
He came to see me at the request of his wife, Yuko, who was starting to panic at his change in personality. "He used to be cheerful, fun-loving, and interested in his work," she said. "Now he is a zombie. He goes through the motions and doesn't talk to me, or anyone.
He comes home and goes to bed and then shuffles off in the morning. Even when he is in front of the computer or with a book he isn't engaged with it. He hasn't paid any attention to me in ages."  
When we first met, Logan was hunched in his chair like he was trying to disappear. His voice was small and weak, and he listed so many things that were overwhelming him, I couldn't keep track of them. Life was squeezing him, and he was making whimpering noises.
The look of depression
Logan was seriously depressed. Changes in sleeping and eating? Check. Loss of interest in activities he used to like? Check. Feelings of guilt? Nonstop. And so on. He spoke in self-defeating terms: "I am dumb, why did I think I could do this? I am a disappointment to Yuko." And he described intense emotional pain and suicidal thoughts: "I will never finish and my family will be better off without me." Clearly his pain was killing both him and his marriage.
Depression and relationships
Depression takes the relationship down with the victim. Many studies show how this happens. For starters, depressed people often exude waves of negativity, which is hard for a partner to deal with. They also make more bad choices when depressed, like driving drunk or saying mean things.
Non-depressed partners often worry or feel guilty for what is happening. One study found when a person looks at their depressed partner's face, it causes a depressed reaction in their own brain. It is stressful to see another in pain, and this feeds a vicious cycle.
When Yuko would become upset, it would trigger Logan's distorted perceptions. He saw her emotion as hostile, even when it wasn't. He assumed she became upset because she hated him, when the reality was that she was worrying.
The cycle continues as the depressed partner is consumed by their pain and can't feel affection or attend to the other person. When someone is distressed, they lose touch with their intuition and can't understand others' expressions or body language. The pain takes all the focus. There is a proverb that says a man with a toothache cannot be in love, and it is the same with emotional hurt.
A throbbing ache in the soul leaves little for anything else.
Logan demonstrated many altered, depressed perceptions. He "knew" his students thought he was a horrible teacher, when the reality was that most were tired and not into poetry.
His melancholy mood amplified his self-criticism, and his words became irrational and harsh.
Fortunately, therapy, better self-care and open communication with Yuko helped Logan rebound. After his depression lifted, he saw things more clearly, was less inclined to extreme negativity, and his hope returned that he could succeed in his studies and his relationship. If you or someone you love is struggling, reach out for help. A relationship can be a healing force, and partners can work to find resources and feel better together.

(Jason Whiting, Ph.D., is a professor at Brigham Young University and a licensed marriage and family therapist).

Tariff
Add Rate

News Archive

Inside The New Nation

Business & Economy »

MBL's award giving ceremony held


Economic Reporter :Mercantile Bank Ltd on Monday organised the 'Mercantile Bank Sommanona-2019' to award four eminent personalities and one institution for their outstanding contributions to the society. Bangladesh Bank Governor Fazle Kabir handed over the gold medals, crests and cheques to all the awardees at a graceful ceremony at Hotel ...

Entertainment »

Maera Mishra is excited about her upcoming projects!


Maera Mishra is an Indian actor and model. She is as in the 11th season of MTV Splitsvilla. Ever since she featured in Splitsvilla Maera has not looked back. Maera is also a budding actor and she could be seen in love on the run on MTV, Savdhan India, Fear ...

Entertainment »

Soundarya Sharma yet again strikes a humanitarian chord


It was just recently when she instead of attending an event chose to help an injured cyclist. Now we just learned that Actor Soundarya Sharma is sponsoring health care for an elderly couple for a year, she came across an article about how elderly are lacking proper health care, as ...

International »

Trump heads back to base for 2020 campaign kickoff


President Donald Trump will get a big crowd of his most loyal supporters at Tuesday's official 2020 reelection campaign kickoff in Florida but dismal early poll numbers show the larger-than-life Republican businessman is vulnerable.Organizers claim the Orlando rally has sold out a 20,000-seat arena, with many more to gather outside, ...

International »

China warns US against opening ME 'Pandora's box'


AFP, Beijing :China on Tuesday warned against opening a "Pandora's box" in the Middle East after the United States announced the deployment of 1,000 additional troops to the region amid escalating tensions with Iran.Foreign Minister Wang Yi also urged Tehran to not abandon the nuclear agreement "so easily" after Iran ...

Cricket »

Shakib Al Hasan: A man born to create milestone


Talismanic all-rounder Shakib Al Hasan now won two matches for Bangladesh in this World Cup, all by alone. When most of his teammates looked inconsistent, he did it by his own almost, albeit with little support from two different men in two different games.In Bangladesh's 21-run victory over South Africa, ...

Editorial »

No development projects destroying the Sundarbans


TRANSPARENCY International Bangladesh has called upon the government to immediately suspend all controversial projects, including the Rampal Power Plant near the Sundarbans. TIB also expressed deep concern following the UNESCO's recent proposal to put the Sundarbans on the list of "World Heritage in Danger" in the proposed agenda for its ...

Cricket »

Jason Roy to miss Afghanistan, Sri Lanka games with hamstring tear


England opening batsman Jason Roy, who left the field during the team's eight-wicket win over West Indies, has been ruled out of their next two matches, against Afghanistan and Sri Lanka, an England and Wales Cricket Board release announced on Monday, 17 June.Roy had left the field during the West ...

International »

"Khashoggi death painful, stop exploiting case": Saudi Crown Prince


 AFP, Riyadh :Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman has warned against "exploiting" the murder of journalist Jamal Khashoggi for political gains, in what appeared to be a veiled attack on Turkey.Turkey's ties with Saudi Arabia have come under strain since the brutal murder last October of Khashoggi in the Saudi ...

Editorial »

No end to pain and miseries of slum dwellers


LOCAL Government Division Minister on Sunday informed the National Parliament that about 6.46 lakh people were living in 3,394 slums in the capital city Dhaka. Responding to a question from a lawmaker, he said there were 1,639 slums housing 4,99,011 people in the Dhaka North City Corporation area and 1,755 ...

Entertainment »

Taylor Swift releases new single You Need To Calm Down


Singer-songwriter Taylor Swift needs us to calm down but with the release of her latest single we just can’t! The 29-year-old singer dropped her new single titled You Need To Calm Down from her upcoming studio album Lover. The artist shared the lyrical video of the song on her official ...

Cricket »

No fracture found on Mushfiqur's forearm


Bangladesh heaved a huge sigh of relief after an X-ray report revealed that Mushfiqur Rahim had no fracture on his forearm.Mushfiqur, considered as the most dependable batsman of the country, got hit on his right forearm during a batting practice session while facing a bouncer from pace bowler Mustafizur Rahman.He ...

International »

Saudi Crown Prince lashes out at arch-rival Iran over tanker attacks


AFP, Riyadh :Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman accused arch-rival Iran of attacks on oil tankers in a vital Gulf shipping channel, adding he "won't hesitate" to tackle any threats to the kingdom, according to an interview published on Sunday.Two tankers were struck by explosions on Thursday in the Gulf ...

Cricket »

More than just a game: India face Pakistan in World Cup battle royale


Virat Kohli will have history on his side when India take on arch-rivals Pakistan in a World Cup blockbuster on Sunday -- a clash that is always more than just a game of cricket.India cut off bilateral cricket ties with its neighbour after the 2008 Mumbai terror attacks, with authorities ...

Cricket »

Eoin Morgan downplays England's injury concerns


England captain Eoin Morgan said that his team is "not at panic stations", after he and Jason Roy left the field with discomfort during the game against West Indies in Southampton on Friday, 14 June.Both Roy and Morgan had left the field at different points during West Indies' innings and ...

 
Items that you save may be read at any time on your computer, iPad, iPhone or Android devices.
 
Are you new to our website? Do you have already an account at our website?
Create An Account Log in here
Email this news to a friend or like someone
Email:
Write a comment to this news