Home Today's Paper Most Popular Video Gallery Photo Gallery
Subscription Blog Signin Register
Logo
Monday, December 10, 2018 01:46:40 PM
Follow Us On: Facebook Twitter Twitter Twitter Twitter

Why marriages fail

photo by

By
20th-Nov-2018       
Comments
Share your thought
Post a comment »
Read all () »

Harriet Lerner Ph.D. :
With marriage having a fifty percent no-go rate it's obvious that people don't follow their best thinking, just like people don't eat healthfully even when they know what's good for them. Paradoxically, it's in our most enduring and important relationships that we're least likely to be our most mature and thoughtful selves.
Real life is messy and complicated. When we share a living space with another person, tie our finances together, negotiate sexuality and the countless decisions that daily life demands-well, of course things can go badly. Then there's the baggage we bring from our first family, and all the unresolved issues of the past, to say nothing of all the stresses that pile up as we move along the life cycle.
If we make or adopt a baby (never mind adding stepchildren to the picture) it's more difficult still because nothing is harder on a marriage than the addition or subtraction of a family member. In fact, it amazes me that all marriages don't fly apart by the baby's first birthday.
One way to understand why marriages fail is to consider the fight or flight response. When anxiety spirals high enough, and lasts long enough, even the most mature relationship may begin to look like a dysfunctional one.
To paraphrase the novelist Mary Karr, a dysfunctional marriage is any marriage that has more than one person in it.
I always remind my readers that even the best marriages get stuck in too much distance, too much intensity, and too much pain. Our automatic tendency toward fight or flight is hardwired, and marriage is a lightning rod that absorbs anxiety and intensity from every source. In case you haven't noticed, stress will always be with us. Life is one thing after another, so it's normal for married folks to yo-yo back and forth between conflict (fight response) and distance (flight response). And just because the universe hands you one gigantic stress, it doesn't mean that it won't hit you with others while you're down. So your mother's health is deteriorating, your dog dies, your son drops out of drug treatment, and your husband is laid off--all in the same year.
Unless you are a saint or a highly-evolved Zen Buddhist, intimacy with your partner may be the first thing to go.
If you have good will and a genuine wish for a better relations here's a book that can help you. With marriage, as with learning a language or establishing an exercise routine, nothing is more important than motivation. Even if you think you've tried everything there is always something new to do.
(Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is the author of many books, including the New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger, and Why Won't You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts).

Tariff
Add Rate

News Archive

Inside The New Nation

Editorial »

Ensure safe transportation of export items


SOME powerful syndicates are stealing different types of export items, edible oil and fuel oil from the goods-laden trucks, covered vans and oil tankers in open daylight on the busy highways. The exporters usually upload the goods on trucks from different factories in Dhaka and other parts of the country ...

Football »

A view of the football match of the Walton Independence Cup between Rahmatganj MFS and Nofel Sporting Club at the Bangabandhu National Stadium on Sunday. Rahmatganj defeated Nofel by three goals to nil.


International »

UK PM May expected to delay Brexit vote, demand better deal


Reuters, London :Britain's Prime Minister Theresa May is expected to delay Tuesday's key parliamentary vote on her Brexit deal and head to Brussels next week to demand better terms from the European Union, the Sunday Times newspaper reported.The newspaper cited "ministers and aides" who said they expected her to announce ...

International »

Miss Mexico Vanessa Ponce de Leon wins Miss World 2018 crown


Rappler : And we finally have a new Miss World, the winner of the pageant for the year 2018 and she is Miss Mexico Vanessa Ponce de Leon. The beautiful lady from Mexico won the title of Miss World from among 118 contestants from countries all over the world. Miss World 2017 Manushi ...

City »

Chief Justice Syed Mahmud Hossain addressing a discussion arranged by Anti-Corruption Commission (ACC) marking the International Day against Corruption at Shilpakala Academy in the city yesterday .


Entertainment »

Aankh Marey receives thunderous reactions


Aankh Marey from Simmba was released yesterday and has expectedly taken the internet by storm. Owing to its unprecedented charm, the music video in 24 hours has garnered 19 million + eyeballs on Youtube, ruling the list at number 1 Sara Ali Khan and Ranveer with their hi-volt avatars are ...

Front Page »

Khaleda ineligible to contest: EC


Special Correspondent :The Election Commission (EC) on Saturday turned down all three appeals filed by BNP Chairperson Begum Khaleda Zia against rejection of her candidatures for Feni-1, Bogura-6 and Bogura-7 Constituencies.After appeal hearing, the EC declared her candidatures invalid as per a recent Supreme Court ruling, anonymous EC officials told ...

Editorial »

Question paper leakage threat to nation`s future


THE Serious Crime Unit of Detective Branch (DB) under Dhaka Metropolitan Police yesterday arrested seven persons from different city areas for their alleged involvement in leaking question papers through electronic devices in the recruitment test for Department of Narcotics Control (DNC). Some highly sophisticated devices, including USB drives, Bluetooths, SIM ...

Cricket »

Return of Shakib, Tamim a big relief for team: Mashrafe


Bangladesh ODI captain Mashrafe Bin Mortaza said it will be a big relief for each member of the team with the return of Shakib Al Hasan and Tamim Iqbal in the squad ahead of the ODI series against West Indies.He was speaking at a pre-match press conference on Saturday at ...

Cricket »

Langer rebuffs Tendulkar criticism of defensive batting


AFP, Adelaide :Coach Justin Langer Saturday rebuffed criticism from Sachin Tendulkar that Australia's batting was too defensive, and complained that if his team celebrated like Virat Kohli they would be seen as "the worst blokes in the world".Australia ended day two of the opening Test against India in Adelaide on ...

International »

Russian offered Trump campaign ‘political’ cooperation in 2015: US prosecutors


AFP, New York : US prosecutors revealed Friday that a Russian offered cooperation to Donald Trump's campaign as early as 2015, declaring that the president's ex-lawyer Michael Cohen had provided "relevant" and "substantial" help to the Russia investigation.In a separate case, federal prosecutors demanded "substantial" jail time of between 51 to ...

City »

Finance Minister A M A Muhith handing over Gold Medal and citation to former minister Syed Abul Hossain as the best education entrepreneur of the age at a ceremony held at the Campus Auditorium in the city on Friday . Campus, a socio-education organization affiliated to the Education Ministry conferred the award.


Entertainment »

Yami looks intense in first look from `URI`


Actress Yami Gautam will be seen in an all-new avatar playing the role of an Intelligence officer in the highly anticipated film 'URI: The Surgical Strike'. The film is a military drama based on the real-life incident that took place in 2016 when the Indian Army conducted a surgical strike ...

Editorial »

Awareness a must to prevent adolescent suicide


THE number of children dying by suicide has increased in recent years largely due to what experts believe a lack of awareness among family members and teachers about the stress in adolescence.At least 293 children died by suicide and 22 others made attempts in the last 11 months, according to ...

Entertainment »

Jabariya Jodi gets the release date!


The makers and star cast of Jabariya Jodi opted for a unique way to announce the release date of their upcoming Sidharth Malhotra and Parineeti Chopra starrer, which will be hitting screens on 17th May 2019. Produced by Balaji Telefilms, Jabariya Jodi presents an interesting take on Bihar’s pakadwa vivaah ...

 
Items that you save may be read at any time on your computer, iPad, iPhone or Android devices.
 
Are you new to our website? Do you have already an account at our website?
Create An Account Log in here
Email this news to a friend or like someone
Email:
Write a comment to this news